Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
