trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
