did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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