i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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