The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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