dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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