omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
