If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
