Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
