Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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