i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
