just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
