you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
