She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I died a long time ago.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
