4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
