You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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