if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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