??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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