This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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