i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize