Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
