Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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