I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Barsexuality is the new black.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's blow job season.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
