Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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