i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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