You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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