She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
