The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
