My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
