Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
