i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so that wasnt chicken after all
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
