I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
should my penis look like a turkey
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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