it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
