I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
