The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
