i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize