I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
