"it" just moved
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
God, I missed his penis.
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