I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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