why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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