Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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