I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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