the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
