I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
