We named our party play list daddy issues
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
