my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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