oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I would fuck him just for his dog
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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