You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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