So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
