so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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