I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
