Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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