Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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