One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
