So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
