So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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