Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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