the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
