Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
