I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
