I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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