every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
