the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You smell like a Billy Joel song
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
