I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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