I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
