It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
