Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
