Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
