she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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