: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
