Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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