butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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