I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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