I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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