the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize