yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
