I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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