I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize