With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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