You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
